Yeah, back to blogging, but not for long. I have another place I could rant on, and it's much more private. Haha, yes. PATH. I love the 'Make it Private' option. It might seem like I'm not talking about my problems, but in actual fact, only I know.
This few days hasn't been good for me. I've made a terrible mistake last week due to my anger. Regret it loads, seriously. I broke a door, injured my father, screamed at my brother. I injured myself a fair bit too, but I deserved it. What kind of person am I? I've been asking myself. I'm nothing but a burden and a disappointment. :/
After that, I was really troubled. Thinking of death and what not. What made me guilty is that my family accepted me back without blaming me. AHH, I dunno how to live on. I'm trying my best to improve myself to pay them back. Sorry and thanks.
Haiix. Another problem. I disappointed a person who's really dear to me. This is the worst it can get. :(. I really hate it when I disappoint someone who I really care, but what has happened alr happened. I can't change things. That makes me more helpless. AHH SHIT.
Trying my best to change things now. I really dunno if this is gonna change anything, but I'm really trying. It'll really be painful if it doesn't, and you give up and move on. But well, I respect your decision if that happens. Meanwhile, I'll just suffer in silence. :)
Well, just ranting. Maybe I should stop here. Others should go on Path. HAHA, alright. Bye guys.
P.S. do listen to "Better than I know myself." It's my blog song, btw. It's really relatable to me. ;)
God, help me thru. I'm helpless, broken, guilty and disappointed. :/
Masquerade-ing.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
*Stress. Or depression?*
Hey guys.
Well, this few months and months to come isn't gonna be good for me. I can feel it. Just ranting out my feelings.
I totally can't survive school anymore. Totally exhausted and out of energy to continue. Now it's like, whether to live on the next day or not. Everyday is a torture to me, weekends or weekdays. Haiix, life is really hard and too complicated for me to live in. I totally can't catch up.
All because of that, I've been thinking a lot. It's like, of course. When you're quiet and depressed, you'll think of all kinds of nonsense. That's what I'm doing.
I've been thinking of how to escape from my problems. Some problems are just so big, you can't escape from it. And of course, the easiest way out is DEATH. It's the easiest way out of any problems, big or small. Haiix, I'm afraid I might suffer from depression. :/
Yes, some of you might think, 'This guy is so childish. He can't even handle his own problems.' Think again. If you were in my shoes, would you say the same thing? I've had enough of everything alr. I wanna just be alone sometimes.
Alright, it's a long post. Gonna stop here. See ya guys.
God, I dunno what you have installed for me. I'm in a total mess right now.
Masquerade-ing.
Monday, July 9, 2012
*Death. It hits you so hard.*
Hey guys.
Been bottling up these few days. Keeping to myself. Gonna just blog occassionally.
Well, I'll try keeping this post short. Just a sudden blow to me, maybe cos I think a lot. WAY TOO MUCH. But I can't help it. Anyways.
I've been kinda depressed these few days, due to some complicated issues. Been getting really high just to escape from reality way too often. Haiix. But something struck me really hard today.
Yes, DEATH.
I'm suddenly really, REALLY, afraid of my loved ones, closed ones passing away. Well, I saw on twitter that someone, same age as me, passed away. And that made me think REAL lot. I almost cried, just imagining those situations, much less talk about the actual happening.
I really really hope, God be kind to me. At least, if you wanna take my loved ones away, take me away first. I can't handle such blows. #haiix
Alright. I'll just stop here. See ya guys again.
God, protect my loved ones from harm. Keep them safe. Dun be cruel to me.
Masquerade-ing.
Monday, July 2, 2012
*Better than I know myself.*
Cold as ice, and more bitter than a December
Winter night, that's how I treated you
And I know that I, I sometimes tend to lose my temper
And I cross the line.
Yeah, that's the truth.
I know it gets hard sometimes, but I could never
Leave your side, no matter what I said
'Cause if I wanted to go I would have gone by now
But I really need you near me to
Keep my mind off the edge
If I wanted to leave I would have left by now
But you're the only one that knows me
Better than I know myself
All along,
I tried to pretend it didn't matter if I was alone
But deep down I know, if you were gone,
For even a day, I wouldn't know which way to turn
Cause I'm lost without you
I get kinda dark, let it go too far
I can be obnoxious at times
But try and see my heart.
Cause I need you now,
So don't let me down.
You're the only thing in this world I would die without.
This song has some awesome lyrics. It's gonna be stuck on my mind these few days, positive. HAHA.
Alright. See you guys soon. :)
Said it so many times, but I still wish things would be simpler.
Masquerade-ing.
Yours Truly
Malcolm Lim 07Aug95
Loves: GOD. You Guys.
Hates: the devil.
Wants
Good vocals
Guitar
Drum
Go out MORE with friends
Long hair?